THE RENEGADE'S TELL ALL BOOK

The Renegade Jason Ray Welsh's

infamous Journal

PREAMBLE

Jan. 7 2018

Like many other addicts I had a blaze of glory attitude traveling down a path of self-destruction. Hell-bent on drugs booze and a life of nothing but sadness depression and sickness. Waking up every morning just trying to get good.

Trying to get that one good shot that would just numb everything and get you out of bed into the shower to were you could be functional not necessarily High,  just functional so you can get your day going just to get more from the dope man.

I've lost everyone, everything and every place that I've ever had with this disease of addiction. Let me tell you this though, I didn't lose it to addiction it did not take it from me I freely gave it to this disease of addiction.

The disease told me, "hey you need this! You don't just desire it, you don't  just want it, you need this now!"

So, it's like okay, yeah! I need it because I'm sick without it but, the real reason I'm sick without it is because I don't need it.

I gave everything to this disease. I gave my family's hope, their love, their trust, their valuables, their homes, cars, jewelry whatever I could get and manipulate for my disease of addiction. 

Just for me to have instant gratification, to feel numb. To feel good for just a little bit, I gave that freely. It did not take it from me.

It's a sad and lonely road that we as an addict goes through with this disease of addiction. Nobody thinks is a disease but, let me assure you that yes, it is a disease. It is Profound, Incurable, Devastating and Fatal.

It is nothing but a full-blown road straight to the Grimm Reaper. We only get to places such as jails institutions or the morgue through death with this disease.

I found a way to get to someplace besides jails, institutions or death and that's through a daily reprieve of a 12-step program and an intimate relationship with a higher power.

You see one addict helping another addict in these rooms to various different programs is one way to get there.

It doesn't have to be a 12-step program. Anything that works. Whatever's clever...

Anything that finds your lost remote or floats your boat will get this done for you, as long as it provides a stable Foundation.

A bed rock for you to build recovery on and keep that recovery going.
Anything that you put in front of your recovery you're going to lose plus whatever is left on your list. 

You have to run that tape. You have to look over your list of what You are you willing to lose to this addiction. Your family, your friends, your job, your house, your kids, your spouse? What are you willing to give freely to this demon?

It's your choice to pick up a drink or drug again. Or even to pick up and use for the first drink or drug the first time. It's your decision.

Yes, it is a disease that's cunning, baffling and progressive but, it is your decision on when you finally accept that your life is unmanageable and out of control. 

When You come to the decision that you need help there's only one way to get help and that is for you to not deny that you as an addict need that help and accept it when it's offered.